Doutor Cocoa

Earthier flavor than the Royal version, and also less rich and more powdery-feeling and tasting. The first part of the sip is promising, but the aftertaste is regrettably sharp and damp, like super-stale corn chips.

Doutor Royal Cocoa

Strong, sour, unique cocoa flavor that has a richness to it but it’s lacking on the salt and cream traits that would balance out the sweetness. Still, an indulgent-feeling drink that is worthy of a try.

Fujiya Milky Cocoa

Grainy and provides a drying sensation in the mouth. Noticeably chocolate flavor, but it's not particularly good-tasting chocolate. It's potable, especially coming from a can, and it may be less sweet than you'd expect. Nonetheless, it's a lower-tier option.

Sangaria Mild Taste Cocoa Drink

Interestingly thin and chalky, something I’ve come to expect from a box but not a can. Cocoa flavor is hard to put a finger on, and there’s a musty aftertaste akin to what a mouth-breather would experience while going through old boxes in his/her attic.

Pokka Sapporo Rich Cocoa Drink

Sports an unnatural brown that borders on reddish as well as a texture that doesn’t look like it possesses normal milk properties. As I braced for a nasty, chemically flavor, I was pleasantly surprised that it was rather chocolaty, however watered-down. Its bark is worse than its bite.

Van Houten Cocoa (280mL)

Emulsified, but watery. Cocoa presence, but…watery. Deep down, it wants to be good— it wants to taste like hot chocolate, but the flavor is too washed out, making the taste incongruous with the average-thickness texture.

Cheerio Cocoa Beverage

The best product to come out of a can and/or vending machine thus far. It’s simply not hampered by most of the problems that plague canned or vending items— the texture feels true, there's minimal metallic taste, there’s adequate salt, and even a touch of a creamy feel. Pleasant surprise.

Bourbon Cocoa Beverage

Probably the best canned product I've had so far out of a vending machine, but that’s not saying much. It still is fairly watery and tastes a bit like you'd expect chocolate soda to (it's not carbonated), and the chocolate flavor is palatable, unlike many of the others.

DyDo Grand Time Cocoa Drink

Cocoa flavor isn’t terribly bad (perhaps has a slightly burnt quality) and the consistency manages to be rough and watery at the same time. The aftertaste doesn't do it any favors and leaves a tingling in the back of the throat.

Doutor Cacao 75% Bitter Chocolat

Excellent dark cocoa flavor that lasts into the aftertaste. The only thing holding it back is the lack of cream, which would add a ton more depth to the flavor and enhance the mouth feel. Still, very good and one to seek out if you are a fan of dark chocolate.

Uchi Cafe Sweets Chocolate

Very odd. Highly creamy ‘feel’ but somehow manages a watered-down ‘taste.’ The chocolate flavor is sour yet powdery, and doesn’t feel authentic. It’s really chalky and the strange properties and tastes going on here leave me a bit confused and looking for my bag of peanuts to replace the flavor in my mouth with something familiar.

Acure Made Rich Chocolate Drink

From a consistency standpoint, this is exactly what you’d expect diarrhea to look like in a cup and feel like in your mouth (here’s to hoping we never get to that point). This may be ‘spoiled’ in some regard, though it didn’t smell or taste rotten, just the chunky/gooey texture couldn't have been presented that way on purpose. I hate to say it, but the flavor wasn't terrible, but on consistency alone, this gets a zero.

Georgia Ice Cocoa

Hearing the ‘crack’ of opening the can is by far the most enjoyable part of the experience. It’s extremely watery, which usually is a bad thing, but in this case it helps the sucky flavor dissipate more quickly.

Cocoa Milk

Plasticky-looking and even has those tiny bubbles that make it look like it’s being tested for tuberculosis. The taste had a chemical fake-ness to it but it wasn't as strong as you’d expect by looking at it. Low marks, and an unceremonious product to be the 400th I have sampled thus far.