Food Lion Peppermint Cocoa

Uniquely under-sweet for the genre, and seriously devoid of any cocoa flavor. It drinks like a subtle mint milk with a pleasant, cooling undertone-- not offensive by any means, but feels slightly unfulfilling for a limited-time, festive concoction.

Umpqua Dairy Chocolate Milk

Marked by a syrupy girth that delivers a sweet and familiar cocoa flavor (Hershey's?). Its full-fat base does well to sustain the experience but in the end feels a bit forced, especially when compared to a creamline chocolate milk. If you like sweet, beefy, and sticky, you could do much worse than this.

Hy-Vee Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Decidedly uninspired and uninspiriing-- mild cocoa flavor stretched thinly over a lowfat, no-frills base. There's a slight salty quality which fortunately surfaces above the sweetness, but it's not satisfying in any regard and leaves you with an unnatural astringency in the mouth-- not a great feeling while you're looking in the fridge for a chaser.

Parmalat Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk

Ultra-smooth, and very noticeably ultra-pasteurized. The cooked milk flavor is more prominent than anything else, and the 'chocolate' side of it seems to impact the coloration (which is albeit still light) than the flavor-- where it's almost entirely absent. It doesn't take much to realize it's an empty experience, and should be sold by the thimbleful rather than quart.

WinCo Foods Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk

A relatively girthy and earthy reduced fat (2%) chocolate milk, that is appropriately sweet, decently well-balanced, and bit astringent on the back end. The result is a satisfying, rather beefy drink that leans slightly into 'chalky' territory but not to an obnoxious extent.

Eberhard's Chocolate Milk

Straightforward but enjoyable whole chocolate with a quickly waning sweetness and cocoa sustain afforded by the whole milk base. It won't raise too many eyebrows be it for good or bad, it paints within the lines, lives up to expectations, and isn't embarrassing to be seen with in public.

Royal Riverside Farm Peppermint Cocoa Milk

A flavorful punch to the face in the best sense possible-- so much going on here! Fantastic peppermint flavor throughout that registers upfront and intensifies over the next few seconds, leaving you to bask in a deliciously satisfying and cooling afterglow that feels as good as it tastes. The creamy base and cocoa sweetness expertly play their supporting roles, and you're left with a uniquely tasty treat that leaves a lasting impression (literally and figuratively) on the palate.

Rising Sun Dairy Mocha Milk

Alas-- mocha milk done right! It's well-balanced with both a cocoa and coffee presence, and a sweet/salty ratio appropriately in favor of the latter. The base is still very much milky (as it should be) rather than a watered-down, washed out caricature of what mocha often is. I am a coffee drinker and coffee lover, and I would gladly replace my morning cup of joe with this stuff.

Garry's Meadow Fresh Chocolate Milk

Sharply salty with a buttery, creamy girth that is not for the faint of heart. One of the thicker chocolate milks I've had in recent memory, so fans of an authentically beefy base take notice. The cocoa flavor plays third fiddle after the cream and salt, and it tends to arrive late and leave you wanting a bit more. It's deliciously unique, both from flavor and texture profile, and it doesn't take much to satisfy. The experience ends cordially with a warm and slightly grassy goodbye.

Royal Riverside Farm Chocolate Milk

Chocolaty, creamy, sweet, salty-- all primary chocolate milk flavors are amped up and surprisingly well-balanced given the strength of each. Its creamline base shines in the latter third of the sip, and warmly gilds whatever surface happens to grace. The (relatively) thin viscosity seems to add velocity to the flavor, as it hits early and often and leaves no tastebud unsatisfied. When you eventually reach your last sip-- wait for the buttery grassiness that rounds out the final, deliciously lasting experience.

Rising Sun Dairy Chocolate Milk

An upfront salty hit pops the warm creaminess that continues shine throughout, escorting the malty cocoa flavor everywhere it needs to go. There's a fully-burdened velveteen texture and a uniqueness to the experience, which has real cachet with someone who has had nearly 1,800 different chocolate milks to this point. Overall, an extremely well conceived and executed drinkable dessert.

Blue Silo Creamery Chocolate Milk

Deliciously well balanced and strong flavor that leads with a salty-sweet-malty cocoa punch that fades swiftly but leaves you with a warm, creamy coating and a lustful desire for the next sip. It's thinner than many of its peers, affording it a bit more alacrity on the palate-- making sure all of your tastebuds are engaged, aroused, and beyond satisfied.

Bennett Family Farm Chocolate Milk

Devastating combination of buttery cream and malty cocoa with a gorgeously appropriate salty snap on the back end, making this one of the best creamline chocolate milks I've had all year. Each sip is a wholly satisfying treat in itself-- buy more than you think you can comfortably store.

Rose Valley Creamery Chocolate Milk

There's a John Wayne-esque quiet confidence that comes through in a chocolate milk that dares to be (traditionally) under-sweet and unapologetically creamy. I would describe the cocoa flavor as a subtle maltiness that plays more of a supporting role to its warm, buttery, 100% grass-fed creamy base. Real chocolate milk should need to be shaken up. Real chocolate milk should treat sweetness with a deft touch. This is the real deal.

Schoch Dairy & Creamery Schocolate Milk

Deliciously buttery creamline base determined to hug each individual tastebud with a warm cocoa embrace. Such a well-balanced concoction that needs nothing more than your time and attention-- don't chug this stuff, don't multitask while drinking it, I would even say don't have it with food (it just gets in the way). Consume this and let it consume you-- you'll be better for it. 

Dutch Bros Chocolate Milk

Amped up on all levels-- powerfully (nigh painfully) sweet first, strongly chocolaty next, and a full-fat base that feels overworked carrying all of that flavor. It's delicious in short spurts, possibly gratuitous in a normal 8oz serving. The flavor doesn't age particularly well, as the syrupy sweetness outlasts everything and overstays its oral welcome. I can definitely see why the kids like this, but mature palates be warned.

Alpenrose Swiss Supreme Chocolate Milk

Much more sweet than chocolaty and has a beefy yet accessible 6% base-- which pays dividends in the highly satisfying afterglow. I must say, this is a very unique experience where there's an upfront barrage of sweet, and you think it's going too strongly in the wrong direction, but the cream quickly wrests control of everything else and steers it back on course, leaving you to enjoy a warm, creamy finish for minutes after the sip.