Refreshingly cocoa-forward, which makes the slightly drying/chalky finish understandable. A solid chocolate milk that gets a lot out of its 2% body-- it punches slightly above its weight.
All tagged High Calcium
Lucerne Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk
Average two-percent build with nice aesthetics and a lighter cocoa flavor than the attractive medium brown color suggests. The sweet/salty balance feels right, and it's pleasantly bland-- this won't offend anyone save those looking for a cocoa buzz.
Shamrock Farms Mocha Latte Rockin' Protein Energy
Fairly odd stuff, even for the chocolate-adjacent category. It's as though you spilled a cup of cornstarch in your hours-old mug of Folgers. Doesn't have a ton of flavor, but what's there is decidedly more coffee than cocoa. It's undersweet, undersalty, undercreamy, and overstarchy. On the plus side, you could probably use this as the goopy paste in your next paper maché project.
Nesquik Fudge Brownie Milk
Stronger and I daresay slightly more mature than the typical Nesquik chocolate milk profile, you can easily convince yourself that the 'fudge brownie' flavor is there and not just the old purple-clad 'double chocolate' Nesquik with a suggestive new name. The experience quickly rings hollow, however, since its lowfat milk base isn't capable of deft flavor extension beyond initial tastebud contact. Disturbing that they have to put "made with real milk" on the package-- feels like it's running without being chased-- only inviting more suspicion in the process.
Splenda Milk Chocolate Shake
Densely sludgy with no recreational payoff-- it's as hard to recommend this stuff as it is to finish the 8 oz bottle. The dominant flavor isn't one of cocoa-- it's more of an 'old milk on the cusp of turning' fruitiness that is likely a product of its proprietary Splenda sucralose and allulose blend of sweeteners. That flavor carries on in the aftertaste, paired with a drying chalkiness that grinds your mouth to a halt. This might be your body's natural defense against taking another sip. Heed its warning.
Equate Chocolate Nutritional Shake
Thick, mildly grainy, chalky, and severely handcuffed by a strong, metallic flavor that hits in the back half of the sip. Fortunately it doesn't linger for very long, but when both the taste and texture are miles from decency (let alone perfection) it's hard to give this anything above a deuce.
Bored Cow Chocolate Milk
Tough to put into words, but think late-August seafood restaurant dumpster juice, without the intrigue. Solidly misses the mark on every facet of chocolate milk (except for a nice but unnaturally bright brown coloration). The flavor is a dull, non-sweet fruitiness with zero inkling of chocolate flavor, and the texture is an odd confluence of watery but chalky and sadly astringent during the remorseful afterglow. I applaud the concept. I dig the niche. I like the branding. Hate is a strong word. I absolutely hate the flavor and drinking experience.
HEB Mootopia Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk
Strong and quick pop of upfront sweetness that settles down with a cocoa dusting in the latter third of each sip. A strong saltiness both distracts from the chocolate flavor and likely obfuscates any would-be twang from the non-sugar sweeteners. In short, it's unique, and has a punchy flavor-- just not in the exact locations and proportions that you'd get in a top-tier chocolate milk.
Marcel's Kinera Chocolate Milk Beverage
Surprisingly flavorful and chocolaty for a shelf-stable, protein-fortified chocolate milk. Sure, there's some chalkiness from the protein concentrate, and sure, there's a slight but noticeable cooked milk flavor from the high-temp pasteurizing, but drinking this is decidedly more pleasure than pain, and compares very favorably to its typical 'recovery beverage' peer group. I get that a 5.0 isn't an impressive score, but for the genre, trust me- it is.
Premier Protein Chocolate Peanut Butter
Surprisingly palatable for 1g sugar and 30g protein-- the additional salt and peanut butter flavoring helps quite a bit and feels like 'success' despite a low overall rating compared with average chocolate milk. There's no getting rid of the vitamin-laden, metallic 'twang' that plagues these type of drinks, but at least it attempts to make it more pleasurable on its way down.
Country View Creamery Chocolate Milk
Pitch-perfect creamline body that dances beautifully along the palate, delivering a medium-to-malty cocoa flavor with a smooth buttery snap on the back end. Each sip gets better, and before you know it, you've cracked open the 2nd pint. Effortlessly delicious.
Bowl & Basket Lactose Free Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Attractive coffee-brown complexion, but the honeymoon wears thin rather quickly. It's immediately flavorful, which provides a little false hope that the remainder of the experience will follow suit. When the dust settles, your 'sweetness' itch has been adequately scratched, but the other elements (namely cocoa, cream) are largely missing, and foreboding sense of emptiness begins to set in.
Fairlife Reduced Fat Cookies N' Creme Milk
Very muted flavor-- has an almost diluted quality to it, and while it's largely unoffensive-- it's far from moving the needle in any positive direction. Initially smooth, it finishes with a chalky, drying lilt and predictably flat aftertaste. I'll concede that the packaging looks cool-- but if it's what's on the inside that counts, this doesn't belong among polite society.
Chobani Reduced Fat Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Disturbingly thick, decidedly undersweet-- you almost have to chew it to get it down, which is a lot more work than the payoff is worth. I do appreciate the confidence to go low on the sugar, while not supplimenting with another kabuki sweetener. It's unique, and has a hefty protein kick, but the thickness-to-creaminess ratio is dissatisfyingly high, and I'm left with a dry mouth, full gut, and shattered dreams. Ok that's a bit dramatic.
Dorothy Lane Market Chocolate Milk
Excellently warm and buttery with a bright cocoa presence that is somehow both supported by and supporting the cream-- it just works well together. From first sip to the very last, it's consistently rewarding and should satisfy anyone's creamline chocolate milk craving with relative facility and grace.
Snowville Creamery Low Fat A2 Chocolate Milk
Intriguing combination of thin, undersweet, and strongly chocolaty, in a mature sense. It drinks easily, and is very enjoyable despite the obvious lack of a cream presence. It isn't watery, but feels that way physically, but ultimately does more with less-- I'm happy to make my way through a half gallon of this on most days.
Six Star Clean Protein Shake Gourmet Chocolate Milk
Somehow manages to avoid 'face-twisting' territory. The texture is chalky, drying, and heavy, while the flavor is best described as faux-sweetly metallic. You could do a lot worse in this category, but drinking this for pleasure would be an exercise in self-loathing. If you need 32g of protein with minimal caloric baggage, have at it, but don't expect to like it.
Fairlife Protein Chocolate Milk
Lead-like dull flavor, with no semblance of what makes chocolate milk enjoyable-- some sweetness, cocoa, creaminess, etc-- none of those are remotely represented here. There's a mineral-esque, clinical, hold-your-nose-and-take-your-medicine quality to the 'flavor', and an egregiously chalky and drying finish that, as far as I can tell, is an effort to curb that pre-vomit salivation.
Homestead Creamery A2 Chocolate Milk
Delicious mix of chocolate and malt with a creamy body that is certainly up to the task of delivering and sustaining the flavors. I can't distinguish the flavor from the former (non-A2) chocolate milk-- it's equally indulgent and rewarding.
Slate Dark Chocolate Milk
Much flatter than its lighter counterpart, the sledgehammer of fake sweetness is significantly mitigated here-- allowing for some actual cocoa flavor to poke through. There's still an issue with the chalky / drying texture here but that's not terribly uncommon among protein-fortified drinks. A clear winner among the Slate portfolio, but still won't compare favorably to even the most average of chocolate milks.