Either a bitter fruitiness or a fruity bitterness greets you on the first sip and instantly manifests as regret. That’s more than $0.01 per mL— provided you drink the whole bottle. Pretty sure you won’t want to.
All in Germany
Weider Muscle Protein Smooth Chocolate
Thick and dense feeling, but pleasantly undersweet and carries enough chocolate taste to warrant the claim. It’s also very chalky, which renders more in the aftertaste than upfront.
Kakaomaelk Cocoa
A brilliant concoction perfectly demonstrating how cocoa, sweetness, saltiness, and cream can be delivered from just 3 simple ingredients. I had the misfortune of busting a bottle on a Pimlico sidewalk, but found solace in knowing that a colony of ants will have its collective mind blown.
Delamere Dairy Chocolate Milk
Smooth milky texture and a slightly sour (not in a bad way) cocoa flavor that you will appreciate a little more with each sip. The chocolate component settles quickly, so remember to shake between applications.
Bounty
Pale, smooth, lightly sweet and decently coconutty. There’s no identifiable chocolate flavor (the Bounty candy bar is chocolate-covered), so it tastes like watered-down coconut milk, which is still pretty good. But as a chocolate milk, this is not to be taken seriously.
Acti-Shake Chocolate
Super starchy feel and a faux-sweetened wheatish taste. You could do a lot worse, but also a lot better with much less effort. Very little chocolate flavor— but if you like that ‘proteiny’ feel, have a go.
Fuel 10K Chocolate Protein Boosted Milk Drink
Watery and unsweet— so you're left with a chalky, wheaty, proteiny taste that is reminiscent of sports drinks of old. The under-sweetness would work a whole lot better were there a creamy component, but it’s completely devoid of that.
For Goodness Shakes Sports Recovery Chocolate
Subtle and malty-- no red flags here. The packaging sets you up for ‘protein drink flavor’ but in truth, you receive a pretty normal chocolate milk; a welcome surprise.
For Goodness Shakes High Protein Chocolate
Chalky and seems to be shooting for a 'malty' flavor, but comes up rather short. It's light on flavor, but could be a lot worse considering the drink’s makeup and charter.
Biorganica Bio Schoko-Milch
Excellent look and texture, amply creamy considering the thinness, and definitely has a grassy note that I've not noticed in other chocolate milks. It's not earthy, and not overly chocolaty, but a tasty, unique drinking experience overall.
Tuffi Frische Schoko Milch
So nastily fruity that I concluded that it HAD to be fermented. It wasn’t like vinegar, just a sickening, searing sweetness that scurried down my throat like it had done something wrong.
Chocomel Vers Mager
Doesn't carry the signature Chocomel flavor. Instead, it’s unbalanced toward the sweet side and also has a more watery base (it’s lower fat & lower cal, so not a surprise). The taste sacrifice here is not worth the caloric difference.
Chocomel Vers
Fresh version of Chocomel definitely has a smoother, more milky feel than the standard UHT type, but it lacks some of the strength in flavor. It's not bland by any means, just slightly less punch than its shelf-stable sibling.
Tony's Chocolonely
Intoxicating brown color, and a unique but enjoyable drinking experience. The sweetness decidedly has a ‘honey’ characteristic to it, but the cocoa is strong and the drink on the whole is rather substantial and filling. Lots of chalk, but the flavor delivers. You will want to brush your teeth afterward.
Melkan Light Chocolade Melk
More sour flavor than cocoa, neither of which are particularly strong. The texture is smooth and milky, and easily drinkable.
Plus Light Chocolade Melk
Well played here— a lighter version that puts more stock in cream than in sugar. Texture is on the gummy side that is more noticeable in small sips-- but the artificial sweeteners are well hidden and don’t detract from the flavor.
Jumbo Chocolade Melk Light
Tastes a lot better than the label would suggest. It's fairly creamy, undersweet (which works in this case) and doesn't try to promise something it can't deliver. Artificial sweeteners are practically undetectable and there's no collateral damage done to the texture.
Melkan Halfvolle Chocolade Melk
The taste is decidedly average, but the texture feels more like an oil/water concoction than how you’d expect milk to be. This might be more noticeable when drinking it out of a cup (rather than the straw attached to the box), but it's distracting and worth noting.
Jumbo Halfvol Chocolade Melk
Chocolaty, sweet, creamy enough— everything works well to deliver indulgence on a budget. Only one minor gripe about the texture: it feels just a hair powdery.
Plus Halfvolle Chocolade Melk
Tasty medium-strength cocoa flavor that goes down nicely and is worth the chalkiness that might put off some people in search of a smoother experience.