All tagged High Calcium

MrBeast Feastables Chocolate Milk

MrBeast Feastables Chocolate Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Cocoa and 'cooked milk' flavor engage in a contentious yet civil battle for supremacy, with each claiming a piece of the crown at different points in the sip. Sweetness, salt, and cream play their supporting roles competently and remain in balance throughout. Texture-wise, it feels satisfying and fully-burdened, without veering into sludgy/chalky territory that claims many a protein-fortified chocolate milk. The 'good' certainly outweighs the 'bad'-- there are several things to like here. Rarely do you find a 'whole' protein fortified chocolate milk that employs real sugar as a sweetener. I also applaud the commitment to Fair Trade and eradication of child labor in the chocolate industry. My reviews are solely on taste/drinking experience, however, this remains a tasty and portable (UHT) way to enjoy a few extra grams of protein. That 'cooked milk' or caramelized lactose flavor is inevitable in ultra-high-temp pasteurization; I get that it's a necessary evil when balancing flavor with distribution and shelf life limitations. 

Quest Chocolate Protein Milkshake

Quest Chocolate Protein Milkshake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Shockingly cloying, fake-feeling sweetness on the first sip, but your taste buds acclimate surprisingly quickly to it. For the protein-enriched genre, it's got a thinner-than-average viscosity which helps drinkability and makes the inevitable chalky sledgehammer feel at least like a rubber-tipped one. There's a noticeable saltiness which also aids in keeping the sweetness more in the background than it otherwise would be. By the time I've gone through all 414mL, I've warmed to the flavor a bit, and find it to be a half-step above the typical 'high-protein/low-carb' offering from a taste and drinking experience perspective.

Quest Chocolate Protein Shake (2025)

Quest Chocolate Protein Shake (2025)

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Interesting initial pop of flavor-- a punchy (faux) sweetness, then a cocoa hit, then somewhat of a watery washout. It makes you feel 'something'-- whether that 'something' adds to or subtracts from your experience on this planet is certainly debatable. The watery finish ameliorates some of the (would-be) chalkiness and astringency, but it accentuates the gimmicky sweetener combination of Sucralose, invert sugar, and Stevia. Do it if you need the protein. Don't if you don't.

Nurri Chocolate Milk Shake

Nurri Chocolate Milk Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Thick for what you generally get out of a can, pleasantly bland (given the genre), and while it carries some faux-sweet aftertaste baggage, it's not good, but also not the the worst thing in the world. It's like "I have a sexist uncle who occasionally says something inappropriate" kind of baggage, rather than "my last two girlfriends mysteriously passed away in their sleep" baggage. I've had a whole 12-pack of this stuff to arrive at my honest opinion, and to some extent, I've warmed up to it. In short, it's simply got a more 'balanced' flavor and drinking experience than many of its peers. Consider it a hard-fought 2.0.

Member's Mark Chocolate High Protein Nutritional Shake

Member's Mark Chocolate High Protein Nutritional Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Beefily thick and chalky, with a phony-feeling (but thankfully under-stated) sweetness and a drab cocoa flavor. Part of what makes it drab is the fact that it's got hardly any saltiness, which makes the rest of the underwhelming flavor feel 'blunt' and one-dimensional. It doesn't drink great, but I've had worse. This is what you think it is, and if you think this is good, then it's not what you think it is. 

Nesquik Zero Sugar Added Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Nesquik Zero Sugar Added Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

In an attempt to remove some calories and all flavor, Nesquik Zero is a no-sugar added version of their already washed-out chocolate concoction. There's not much here-- the Sucralose & ace-K sweetener duo are pleasantly unobtrusive, and you're left with a lightly malty whimper of what may have been chocolate milk at one time. If this is what they were going for, they knocked it out of the park.

Raw Chocolate Milkshake

Raw Chocolate Milkshake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Brutally cloying, inauthentic-feeling sweetness clubs you upfront, and if you enjoy punishment and go back for a second sip, your (now lower) expectations will be met, and you will think to yourself "dammit, why did I buy a whole case of these without trying one first?". The sweeteners steer you far off course, though you can catch a glimpse of a cocoa flavor desperate to poke through. Like a half-dead skunk in the middle of the road-- it won't do either of you any good to get it to the other side. Texture-wise, it's fine given the 'recovery' genre, but a long ways from 'milky' or 'pleasant.' Try if you must, avoid if you can.

Jocko Mölk Chocolate Protein Shake

Jocko Mölk Chocolate Protein Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

On the good side- it's nicely under-sweet, allowing a muddy, almost ashy cocoa flavor achieve some prominence. On the bad side-- everything else. It's sludgy, chalky, and under-salted. Again, I appreciate the sweetener restraint, but the flavor that is there rings of Stevia (Reb-M) which, like a zit on the end of your nose, is nearly impossible to hide. Taking nothing away from the keto-friendly, high-protein, grass-fed claims (which are great)-- I only review on taste and drinking experience, and both border on 'foul.'

Premier Protein Indulgence Decadent Dark Chocolate

Premier Protein Indulgence Decadent Dark Chocolate

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Unsurprisingly thick and chalky, but surprisingly chocolaty-- and I must say, there's more of a salty hit which is rarely found in this recovery, protein-laden genre-- and I think it does the flavor and drinking experience some good. That said, it still compares poorly to your average, 1% lowfat chooclate milk, but it's noticeably a step up from your typical low-carb, high-protein gruel. "Indulgence" is definitely a stretch, but if we're speaking in relative terms, fine.

Pioneer Pastures Chocolate Milkshake

Pioneer Pastures Chocolate Milkshake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Beefy, starchy, chalky, and thankfully somewhat bland. The sweetener is fortunately less-aggressive than its sibling and while the chocolate flavor is entirely absent-- it's blander, and somehow more enjoyable for it. Texture-wise, this is a bad matchup for me-- the drying/chalkiness grinds your mouth to a screeching halt, you will feel like you could light a match off your tongue. Or really any surface that this stuff comes in contact with. I've had much worse tasting things in this genre, but the physical drinking experience of this is bottom-tier. Yuck.

Pioneer Pastures Chocolate Milk

Pioneer Pastures Chocolate Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Exceedingly thin cocoa presence, and very little flavor outside of the cloying, unnatural-feeling spike you get from the monk fruit juice concentrate (natural sweetener). The strange sweetness twang dominates the experience and remains into the aftertaste, paired with a textural astringency that plays chalkier than it should on the palate. I appreciate that it's lactose free, A2 beta casein protein, gluten free, lower sugar, higher protein-- but the flavor and drinking experience is severely lacking in the 'enjoyment' measures.

Life Every Day Chocolate Nutrition Shake

Life Every Day Chocolate Nutrition Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
Canada

Well, I've had worse. And I've had some really gross ones that are still better than this. While it 'feels' ok for the meal-replacement genre, it's too heavily metallic to be taken seriously. Running your tongue down a length of aluminum siding would give you the same basic flavor experience without the pesky calories. 

Bored Cow Chocolate Milk (2024)

Bored Cow Chocolate Milk (2024)

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

So brown, that it's nearly an angry red color-- and so undersweet that it amplifies the interrobang-inducing, off-putting soy-adjacent (but not soy) flavor that, while unique, assertively legislates the case against novelty. Texture-wise, it's a mess of upfront anemia and back-end weight-lifting chalk.That said, this is at least 3 times more enjoyable than the first formulation I had a couple years ago-- but 3 times zero is still zero.

Shamrock Farms Reduced Fat Cookies 'n Cream Milk

Shamrock Farms Reduced Fat Cookies 'n Cream Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Smooth and well balanced on all fronts-- delivering an accurate and tasty cookies & cream flavor. This has done well to keep the sweetness to a manageable level and not try to do 'too much'-- which a lot of chocolate-adjacent milks tend to do. I appreciate the competence and once again the balance-- I'm surprised that this is a limited edition by Shamrock Farms, as it ranks (to me) as one of the better offerings they've come up with to date.

Muscle Milk Pro Chocolate Peanut Butter

Muscle Milk Pro Chocolate Peanut Butter

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Not as thick or (fakely) sweet as the 'Knockout Chocolate' flavor-- but it still carries plenty of heft and an odd peanut-adjacent flavor that caused me to bristle at first, but subsequent sips beat my tastebuds into submission where it became palatable (but no more enjoyable). There was an element of 'stop resisting' [insert police brutality meme]. Nothing about the flavor or drinking experience approaches 'good' or even 'ok'. The aftertaste is an unpleasant continuation of its preceding sip; I would seriously struggle for motivation if this were my post-workout 'reward.' 

SlimFast High Protein Creamy Chocolate Shake

SlimFast High Protein Creamy Chocolate Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Disturbingly thick and chalky, with no positive flavor attributes and a sharp yet playful fake-sweetener twang to the uvula. Impressive enough stats-- 20g protein, 1g sugar, 5g fiber, etc.-- however, it's living proof that there's no biological 'free lunch' as the saying goes. Bad taste and a worse feel, this leans more 'appetite suppressant' than the intended 'meal replacement.'

Shamrock Farms Builder Max Chocolate Shake

Shamrock Farms Builder Max Chocolate Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Decidedly undersweet, and though it doesn't taste good per se, it's a bold and pleasant departure from its overly-cloying fakely sweet peers. On the texture side, it's what you think it is-- sludgy, chalky, chock full of protein isolate-- all things that veer strongly away from 'milky'. I am nonetheless impressed by the potability and restraint on the sweetening side. It's not good, but I must admit it's twice as good as I expected it to be.

Shamrock Farms Mocha Latte Rockin' Protein Energy

Shamrock Farms Mocha Latte Rockin' Protein Energy

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Fairly odd stuff, even for the chocolate-adjacent category. It's as though you spilled a cup of cornstarch in your hours-old mug of Folgers. Doesn't have a ton of flavor, but what's there is decidedly more coffee than cocoa. It's undersweet, undersalty, undercreamy, and overstarchy. On the plus side, you could probably use this as the goopy paste in your next paper maché project.

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