All tagged High Protein

Fairlife Chocolate Whole Milk

The same, signature Fairlife twang plugged into a more clotted base. The sweetness is distractingly unnatural and significantly hampers the experience. I get that the nutrition stats are attractive (low sugar, high protein) and it serves that market well, but from a flavor standpoint, it doesn’t quite do whole milk justice.

Milk 2 Go Sport Pro Chocolate

It probably won’t stab you to death in the shower. That’s the only positive thing I can say about it. You won’t question the ‘no sugar added’ claim on the front, but you may ponder how many brushings it will take to erase the flavor from your mouth, and how much bleach you’ll have to huff to dull the memory.

Joyya Chocolate Milk

A rotten, chalkier emulation of Fairlife, Everything is second rate, from the sickly gray substance that slithers out of the hole to the ‘what-sweetness-exists-is-obviously-fake’ flavor, to the starchy, drying finish. Awful.

Fairlife Smart Snacks Rich Chocolate

The sweeteners seem to be in competition and ultimately dominate the experience. A honey-like note kicks off the sip, but by the end, you have a saliva-inducing essence plaguing your tongue. In the interim, there’s too much chalk and not enough cocoa to salvage a respectable score.

Traderspoint Creamery Organic Chocolate Milk Shot

Dark, bold, mature cocoa flavor that is drinkable through the wondrous confluence of science and agriculture. It’s the perfect size (4.5oz / 135mL) for something so indulgent, in that it not only prevents over exposure, but it forces one to drink it slowly and truly appreciate the experience. The future of chocolate milk for adults, and perhaps the future of dessert itself.

Marigold HL Chocolate Milk

Tastes like a chocolate popsicle that had been lurking in the back of the freezer for months past its ‘sell-by’ curfew. You know the kind— it’s covered in icy particles, which, due to the lack of other options, you give a cursory brush-off before thrusting the pop into your warm piehole in a vulgar act of misguided desperation. This chocolate milk embodies that experience.

Straus Family Creamery Organic Chocolate Milk

Wow— super strong cocoa flavor, paired with a mature, undersweet sourness that delivers a haymaker of deliciousness! It offers what I desire most in chocolate milk exceedingly well— creaminess unencumbered by viscosity, brilliantly indulgent and punchy mature cocoa flavor, and a unique had-nearly-one-thousand-chocolate-milks-but-nothing-quite-like-this factor that puts this into rarefied orbit for me.

HEB MooTopia Chocolate Milk

Immediate flavor rushes in with each sip— a rather welcome guest that stays just a bit too long. The artificial sweeteners are present but on good behavior, and despite a chalky medium, there’s plenty to like about this. It’s strongly salty, which outlasts the other flavors for the most part, but makes it easy to return for more.

Shamrock Farms Rockin' Protein Builder Chocolate

Beautifully brown, but fairly hollow flavor. The sweetness feels inauthentic, and overall it has a slight watery quality that washes away the rather mild taste anyway. It hides the protein-y flavor quite well— it’s definitely palatable, and tastier than many other ‘recovery’ oriented drinks, but it doesn't compare favorably to chocolate milk, especially the high standard that Shamrock Farms tends to deliver.