All in Germany

Kakaomaelk Cocoa

A brilliant concoction perfectly demonstrating how cocoa, sweetness, saltiness, and cream can be delivered from just 3 simple ingredients. I had the misfortune of busting a bottle on a Pimlico sidewalk, but found solace in knowing that a colony of ants will have its collective mind blown.


Pale, smooth, lightly sweet and decently coconutty. There’s no identifiable chocolate flavor (the Bounty candy bar is chocolate-covered), so it tastes like watered-down coconut milk, which is still pretty good. But as a chocolate milk, this is not to be taken seriously.

Acti-Shake Chocolate

Super starchy feel and a faux-sweetened wheatish taste. You could do a lot worse, but also a lot better with much less effort. Very little chocolate flavor— but if you like that ‘proteiny’ feel, have a go.

Biorganica Bio Schoko-Milch

Excellent look and texture, amply creamy considering the thinness, and definitely has a grassy note that I've not noticed in other chocolate milks. It's not earthy, and not overly chocolaty, but a tasty, unique drinking experience overall.

Chocomel Vers Mager

Doesn't carry the signature Chocomel flavor. Instead, it’s unbalanced toward the sweet side and also has a more watery base (it’s lower fat & lower cal, so not a surprise). The taste sacrifice here is not worth the caloric difference.

Chocomel Vers

Fresh version of Chocomel definitely has a smoother, more milky feel than the standard UHT type, but it lacks some of the strength in flavor. It's not bland by any means, just slightly less punch than its shelf-stable sibling.

Tony's Chocolonely

Intoxicating brown color, and a unique but enjoyable drinking experience. The sweetness decidedly has a ‘honey’ characteristic to it, but the cocoa is strong and the drink on the whole is rather substantial and filling. Lots of chalk, but the flavor delivers. You will want to brush your teeth afterward.

Plus Light Chocolade Melk

Well played here— a lighter version that puts more stock in cream than in sugar. Texture is on the gummy side that is more noticeable in small sips-- but the artificial sweeteners are well hidden and don’t detract from the flavor.

Jumbo Chocolade Melk Light

Tastes a lot better than the label would suggest. It's fairly creamy, undersweet (which works in this case) and doesn't try to promise something it can't deliver. Artificial sweeteners are practically undetectable and there's no collateral damage done to the texture.

Melkan Halfvolle Chocolade Melk

The taste is decidedly average, but the texture feels more like an oil/water concoction than how you’d expect milk to be. This might be more noticeable when drinking it out of a cup (rather than the straw attached to the box), but it's distracting and worth noting.