All in USA

Hatcher Family Dairy Chocolate Milk

The first sip said ‘maple syrup’ to me, but as I pressed on, I began to appreciate the cocoa flavor that becomes more evident in the (rather delicious) aftertaste. It’s delectably creamy, fun to drink, and feels indulgent yet not in an overpowering way. Melted ice cream is probably the closest thing.

Best Choice Chocolate Milk

Great creamy smoothness aside, there’s a sharpish malt flavor in place of the cocoa— and normally I like a malt flavor, but this one feels a bit misplaced or underdeveloped. All else is very good, but the predominant flavor is still shrouded in mystery.

Fairlife Smart Milkshakes Chocolate

Smooth and sweet— but I taste more stevia than honey. It’s not as blatant as some of the other Fairlife products, but neither is the chocolate presence. It could use a heavier dose of salt to bring out the cream, as it’s lacking flavor dimensionality.

Purity Chocolate Milk (pint)

Tons of flavor, with the cocoa nearly in equal proportion to the sweetness— providing a more mature, dessert-y type of feel that makes my heart sing. The creamy base does its job almost too well-- as it’s easy to drink too much of it too fast.

Prairie Farms Chocolate Milk

Strongly sweet, with an almost honey-ish bent; it fits together well with above-average saltiness and a super smooth and creamy medium. More cocoa wouldn’t hurt, but it’s far from broken and no need to fix it-- it’s objectively delicious.

Kroger Chocolate Breakfast Shake

Multivitamin scent and flavor (to a lesser extent), and feels like a mouthful of beach sand. You can chomp on the individual grains during and after each sip, and there’s an audible ‘crunch’ as you do so. It’s chalky, passably chocolaty, and from a taste perspective, you could do a lot worse in the ‘breakfast shake’ category.

Sir Bananas (UHT)

If you’re paying close attention, you may notice actual tiny bits of banana that buoy to the surface, and you can feel them on your tongue— actually a welcome feature and pleasant surprise. The banana flavor is stronger than the cocoa flavor, but it’s a pleasantly unique drink that can be a nice change of pace.

Clover Farms Chocolate Milk

Powerfully malty to an extent that you double-check the label, which says ‘chocolate.’ Lovers of malt will find this irresistible, those expecting chocolate will be disappointed. I like it more for its uniqueness than anything else— it’s a pleasant departure from the bog-standard chocolate milk you typically find in gas stations.