Smooth and super bland, and whatever flavor exists is washed away forthwith, leaving you puzzled, unsatisfied, and remorseful now that you have the rest of the gallon to deal with.
All in USA
MOO-ville Creamery A2 Chocolate Milk
A warm descent into cocoa-creaminess rewards the mouth and soul in equal proportions, and causes you to seriously question past chocolate milk choices without making you feel bad about them.
Crooked Creek Farm Dairy Chocolate Milk
Indulgently substantial and rewarding with a bright cocoa flavor upfront that is ushered gracefully all the way to (and through) the exit. Doesn't rely on sugary misdirection or other gimmickry; it's quite the pleasure to sip slowly while meandering down a country road.
Quality Dairy Chocolate Milk
The cocoa profile is uniquely sour and 'wheaty' in my estimation, neither of which to an off-putting extent, but readily noticeable. Its body is sweet, beefy, and up to the task of distributing its flavor to where it needs to go. In short, it's both sweet and sour, and if that combination tickles your fancy, make your way over to QD.
Cook's Farm Dairy Chocolate Milk
Thinner than expected (a nice surprise) and more than adequately creamy to deliver a medium cocoa flavor that crescendos in strength in the second half of the sip. It's a delicious arrangement of flavor and texture, unmistakably chocolaty and milky-- it is what you think it is, just likely a notch or two better than you're used to.
Kroger CarbMaster
Searing upfront sweetness that may be a welcome palate assault for the hardcore carb-averse, but for everyone else, this is much more likely to offend than satisfy. The cocoa flavor is strong enough to poke through for a quick cameo, and its fat-starved, artificially-thickened base is less concerning than the sweetener concoction which, un-chased, will continue to devalue your oral real estate.
The Creamery Chocolate Milk
Sweet, cooked milk flavor that leans 'caramel-like' and is accentuated by a salty pop toward the back end which helps to mitigate the sugary rush. The box does a disservice to its beautiful light brown color (at least the straw is clear); in short, it's rather adept for a shelf-stable, reduced fat chocolate milk.
McDonald's Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Strong but fleeting pop of cocoa flavor upfront, but soon degenerates to a drab blandness and acute astringency. It peaks way early, and the undersweetness, while appreciated, doesn't allow for any other quality to rise to prominence. The aftertaste worsens with each passing moment, causing you to scramble around for a cold french fry remnant or any other edible mass to curb the ensuing misery.
Friendly Farms Protein + Chocolate Milk
More creamy and chocolaty than sweet-- a pleasant ratio in that regard. Texture-wise, there's a drying, chalky finish with significant legs that outlasts the prematurely-exiting cream, leaving the overall score teetering on the very edge of mediocrity.
O Organics Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Refreshingly under-sweet, yet surprisingly creamy and delicious for 1% lowfat. Chocolate is the focus, and the experience feels forthright and true from initial sip to pensive repose. Strong example of how sweetness should play a supporting (not leading) role.
FreshStart Farm Chocolate Peanut Butter Milk
Wow- a warm hug on a chilly day-- this is exactly what you need, and you don't want it to end. The proportions of chocolate, peanut butter, sweetness, and salt are in perfect harmony, and accentuated by a deliciously creamy and buttery base-- this is a rare treat that you won't soon forget.
La Colombe Draft Chocolate Milk
Surprisingly well-represented dark chocolate flavor over a paper-thin base that is quickly overmatched and incapable of doing the cocoa justice. Each sip imparts a warming sensation in the mouth that may precipitate salivation to clear it away. The packaging is gorgeous, the flavor unique, and the execution ultimately strays from 'indulgence' and instead leans toward 'interesting novelty that I don't need to have again.'
Premier Protein Chocolate
Sludgy, chalky, and vitamin-y tasting-- this would serve well as a meal replacement as it rather efficiently curbs the appetite. It's not face-twistingly bad, but rather predictable in its fortified flavor and clotted body. You deserve much better regardless of whether you just finished a crossfit workout or a large pizza.
Byrne Dairy Fair Trade Chocolate Milk
Creamy base with an almost honey-like sweetness that nicely compliments the cocoa flavor. It drinks effortlessly, yet is satisfying in short sips.
Byrne Dairy Fair Trade Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Sweetly flavorful with a caramel-escent lilt that gives it a unique profile. Texture-wise, it's a slightly thinner than average yet appropriately milky and competent base. Noticeably more interesting and pleasant than its typical lowfat peers.
Sarris Candies Chocolate Milkshake
Powerfully dense and flavorful, with a tidal wave of upfront sweetness followed by an extremely rewarding and rich chocolaty back end. Honestly, the latter third of the sip is the highlight, and worth weathering the initial sugary storm-- which, don't get me wrong, is indulgent and tasty, just stronger than you may expect from a chocolate milk. In short, it's super interesting, unique, and worth seeking out, particularly if you have a sweet tooth.
Chaney's Dairy Barn Chocolate Milk
This is sure to scratch anyone's itch for delicious whole chocolate milk-- it's thick, creamy, chocolaty, and plenty sweet. It's a bit beefier and more flavorful than the average whole offering, and while not necessarily unique in any one direction, all of its attributes coalesce very naturally, lending to a great overall 'feel.'
Zeal Grass Milk Creamery Chocolate Milk
Thick, creamy texture with a prominent grassy presence, hint of honey sweetness and a back-end Stevia bite. The search for any semblance of cocoa flavor lasted for 3 cups and was ultimately called off. I very much appreciate the texture and wildness factor, but simply put, the flavor falls well short of modest expectations and the choice to use Stevia (despite being a natural sweetener) causes a rather unnatural-feeling and suboptimal-tasting experience. Points for uniqueness though.
Crystal Springs Creamery Chocolate Milk
Powerfully chocolaty in spite of a lighter visage, and the cream, salt, and sweetness levels are tuned to near perfection. This is a chocolate milk that would appeal to everyone, it’s incredibly well rounded, immediately delicious, and wholly satisfying.
Family Express Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Drab, flavorless, and pancake flat; it’s ‘austerity’ in liquid form. Despite a lack of prominent taste, it finishes with a slightly earthy bent, and an annoyingly astringent feel. I’ve had much funkier products, but this one has all the makings of a D+ grade without the excitement of a more abject failure.