All in USA

Galliker's Whole Chocolate Milk

Sweet and flavorful upfront-- but the longer you go into the aftertaste, you realize how much of the flavor relies on the 'sweet.' It's got a syrupy finish that trumps whatever cream component you might get from it being whole milk. It satisfies in short bursts, but doesn't have the staying power to be make the trip worthwhile.

Stewart's Peanut Butter Chocolate Milk

Saltier than sweet, which affords the peanutty flavor a bit more of the limelight-- but a decent choice rather than an overly sweet, overly salty onslaught of flavor. This feels more delicate and deliberate, and paired with a slightly thinner viscosity than expected, lends itself to a more unique and less-gimmicky limited edition flavor.

Orgain Kids Protein Organic Chocolate Shake

Undersweet in a way that feels extreme at first, but feels more appropriate once you're several sips in. There's an artificial twinge in the aftertaste that leaves me in a bad place, but I get that this is not meant for recreation, but for discipline. There's a modestly creamy base that can support much more than the dusting of cocoa contained therein, and while uniqueness has cachet with me, too many of its idiosyncrasies stack up in the 'loss' column. Maybe it tastes better through the provided straw, but I'm not curious enough to try this again anytime soon.

Alani Nutrition Fit Shake Cookies & Cream

Strange light-vanilla flavor that has a cereal-esque bent to it-- but ultimately dominated by an inauthentic sweetness that peaks early and rears its head again in the aftertaste. It seems fakely sweet, fakely salty, and wholly unsatisfying. Texture-wise, it could be a lot worse, as it flows pretty freely and is not bogged down by a starchy sludginess like many others in the 'recovery' genre.

Premier Protein Chocolate Peanut Butter

Surprisingly palatable for 1g sugar and 30g protein-- the additional salt and peanut butter flavoring helps quite a bit and feels like 'success' despite a low overall rating compared with average chocolate milk. There's no getting rid of the vitamin-laden, metallic 'twang' that plagues these type of drinks, but at least it attempts to make it more pleasurable on its way down.

Sprouts Farmers Market Low Fat Chocolate Milk

Solid lowfat chocolate milk experience here. The texture is relatively thin and lithe, which feels authentically congruent with its 1%  base. The cocoa flavor is bright and strong upfront, and the sweet/salty balance is appropriate and more than adequate to register on the most stoic of palates. I like that it doesn't immediately shoehorn itself into one of the existing lowfat chocolate milk paradigms, but it sets off confidently in its own direction.

Weigel's Candy Bar Milk

I've never had a 'candy bar' that tasted anything close to this-- it's powerfully sweet and hazelnutty-- a combination that wouldn't be out of place in eastern Europe, but is certainly unique here in the states. It's a bit jarring up front, as it probably won't taste like you expect, but with each sip it gets a bit more palatable and ends up being easy to finish the whole ~500 calorie pint in under 2 minutes.

Woodbourne Creamery Chocolate Milk

Neat combination of sharply salty/malty with a heavily creamy girth to it. Usually 'malty' cocoa flavor tends to be on the lighter side, but this carries a much more amped-up taste and finishes with a resolutely salty pinch and dusting of grit on the tongue. Damn fine stuff.

Country View Creamery Chocolate Milk

Pitch-perfect creamline body that dances beautifully along the palate, delivering a medium-to-malty cocoa flavor with a smooth buttery snap on the back end. Each sip gets better, and before you know it, you've cracked open the 2nd pint. Effortlessly delicious.

Peaceful Springs Farm Raw Chocolate Goat Milk

Resoundingly refreshing cocoa flavor with a slightly mature/sour pitch in the first third of the sip. It's not particularly wild or 'goaty' for those concerned about that-- it remains confidently under-sweet and cocoa-focused-- and I applaud the commitment to making chocolate milk that feels like: chocolate, milk.

Pigeon Creek Farm Raw Chocolate Milk

Nostril-flaringly chocolaty in a way that wins your admiration and respect quickly-- thanks in part to the raw, creamy base that knows exactly where to go and how to get there. This stuff has choco 'grit' (both literally and figuratively) so prepare your tastebuds for devastation (only figuratively)-- I mean that in the best possible sense.

Pigeon Creek Farm Chocolate Milk

Yes, yes, and yes. That's the most intelligent thought sequence that I can string together when this hits my palate. Rarely does a chocolate milk strike so many notes with such perfect resonance-- from the viscosity-to-creaminess ratio to the mature-but-still-'cool' cocoa flavor to the salt-forward grassy punch-- everything works magnificently. If there's a such thing as a 'gateway drug' to micro-craft dairy-- this will bust the doors wide open.

Sweet Grass Creamery Chocolate Milk

Screams 'quality' from first sip to pensive afterglow-- it's immediately delicious, meticulously cocoa-focused, and devilishly creamy; 4 ingredients arranged in a way that seems to maximize the best parts of what nature and nurture can combine to provide in potable format. Mature cocoa flavor strikes early and often thanks to a lithe Jersey cream that sports my ideal (high) viscosity to (high) creaminess ratio. It's indulgent and desserty, yet accessible enough for an every day drinker. In a word: divine.

Sweet Grass Creamery Mocha Milk

Despite being a lover of chocolate and coffee individually, much of the choco-coffee synergy is unfortunately lost on me. That said, this remains a well-balanced (and well-caffeinated) treat that is worth the caloric opportunity cost. If mocha is your scene, do not pass 'Go' or collect $200, go directly to Sweet Grass Creamery and pick some up.

Terra Firma Farm Creamery Chocolate Milk

Begins and ends with a delicious buttery essence to the cream, which does its job with care and reverence, and could shoulder a fair bit more flavor if asked. The lightly malty flavor that is there plays a supporting role to the cream and results in a uniquely tasty treat that doesn't need to employ gimmicks to be memorable.

Wright's Dairy Farm Chocolate Milk

Very punchy with a bold and unique cocoa flavor and sweetness that feels dialed a few notches past par-- you won't be confused as to what you're drinking here. Texture-wise, it's fully-burdened but easily drinkable with a mildly chalky footprint on the exit.

A. B. Munroe Dairy Chocolate Milk

Well balanced flavor and texture, a solidly rewarding given its 2% reduced fat base. Doesn't look or feel out of place in its attractive glass bottle-- at the very least: a welcome option for those seeking to allocate more of their fat-calorie spend on ice cream rather than chocolate milk.

Elm Farm Milk Chocolate Milk

Slightly less sweet than the 'melted chocolate ice cream' trope, but plenty thick and substantial to serve as a proxy. Tasty going down and doesn't leave you with excess baggage in the aftertaste, it's a well-built, well-rounded, hefty drinking treat.