Sweet and salt are understated, but not missed, as its subtle cocoa flavor and an adequately creamy base give this a more ‘responsible’ than ‘recreational’ feel.
Manning Farm Dairy Chocolate Milk
Thickly creamy, and confidently chocolaty— a true dessert-like treat in liquid form. It’s rather filling, both from a spiritual and intestinal standpoint, and will be my stock answer going forward when asked, “What can you get for a dollar anymore?”
Weis Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Comes on strong and overstays its welcome. A searing, caramel-like sweetness bum-rushes the mouth in a desperate attempt for pancreatic conquest.
Hillside Farms Chocolate Milk
The cream melts in your mouth like a warm pat of honey butter, leaving you with a chocolate flavor that is straightforward and more of an adornment to its other characteristics (primarily the cream and salt/sweet balance). You won’t want the experience to end.
Valley Farms Chocolate Milk
Smooth texture, but a bit heavy on sweet, especially without a solid chocolate-backing. It’s far from disgusting, but could benefit from a more satisfying balance of sugar-to-cocoa for my tastes.
Valley Farms Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Decent balance of flavor that delves bravely into salty / caramel territory and is better for it. An above-average gallon with distinctive flavor and deceptively comely aesthetics.
Wegmans Organic Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Intriguing cocoa flavor that drops hints of sourness before vanishing into the ether. The taste is preferable to the texture, which is on the thicker/starchier side. All in all, a unique chocolate milk that is a pleasant addition to the under-served UHT market in the States.
Crystal Spring Farm Chocolate Milk
Gorgeous, just plain gorgeous. Thin texture, yet wonderfully creamy presence that you can feel from your lips to your hips, and all points in between. The cocoa flavor is omnipresent and true— this is not one to pass up!
Tanner Bros. Farm Chocolate Milk
Deliciously unique cocoa flavor reminiscent of (excellent) hot chocolate. Truly enjoyable from beginning to end, and a flavor that you will long to revisit for years to come.
Merrymead Farm Chocolate Milk
Creamy and lightly sweet, it’s a pleasant way to spend a few minutes or a few hundred calories. The cocoa won’t kick your door down anytime soon, so expect a polite encounter with minimal baggage.
Bailys Dairy Chocolate Milk
Perhaps the utmost paragon of the low-viscosity, high-creaminess ratio that I hold dear! Its luxuriously creamy texture disperses naturally and uniformly, delivering a choco-maltiness that is as delicious as it is unique. You owe it your mouth to gift it this experience.
Hiland Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Great milky feel and a clean, if not somewhat tardy cocoa flavor. With the recent slew of lactose free whole chocolate milks to come out— it’s as good a time as any for the lactose intolerant.
Belfonte Fat Free Chocolate Milk
Painfully bland, unnaturally thick, and sports a syrupy finish that makes you ask “What is it exactly that I’m consuming here?” followed by “…and why continue?”— neither of which I can answer.
WW Homestead Dairy Skim Chocolate Milk
About as good as a nonfat chocolate milk can be. Chocolate remains the primary focus, and the supporting cast delivers it with enough confidence to allay strong suspicions about the fat content (or lack thereof). It does drink a little on the thicker side, but perhaps they’ve unlocked a secret regarding nonfat chocolate milk— don’t homogenize.
Piggly Wiggly Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Smooth, but sweetly flat and otherwise relatively flavorless. The consistency is its top attribute, rivaled only by the aproned, milk-swilling swine on the label.
Kemps Swiss Style Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Blissfully average. Does the job that you would expect from a cartoned, institutional-ready chocolate milk. All flavor levels adhere religiously to the median path and vow not to surprise any consumers regardless of their predilections.
Lactaid Whole Chocolate Milk
Very smooth, appropriately creamy, but lacking a cocoa punch. Instead, the flavor resembles an inoffensive, yet relatively uninspired cooked milk sweetness that fades in proportion with the sip-to-swallow process. You’re left with a clean finish that helps to warrant future consumption, facilitating the ‘getting used to’ process.
Prairie Farms Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Proof that lactose free can still be milky and natural feeling— this is a very welcomed, full-fat addition to the category. Does well to keep the sweetness on a leash and let the cocoa flavor shine, which it does more so in the latter half of the draw. This deserves to be more popular that I presume it to be.
Organic Valley Breakfast Balance Dark Chocolate
Hollow and watery with the trademark Stevia-astringency, which remains remarkably difficult to hide. I’ve had much worse tasting things at this low-50s-calorie-per-100mL tranche, and I can’t deny the impressive attributes (organic, lactose free, gluten free, Fair Trade, high calcium, high(ish) protein)— but the flavor and drinking experience does not compare favorably to your average chocolate milk.
Dan and Debbie's Creamery Chocolate Milk
Gorgeously thin and buttery with little else to distract from the experience. After each swallow, you’re left with a warm sensation in the mouth, which mirrors your soul in solidarity.