Uber smooth, and has a noticeably ‘woody’ flavor— slightly bolder than that of your typical paper/carton taste. It’s not off-putting, but it’s not flavorful enough to overcome (what I assume to be) the essence leeched from the packaging.
Joyya Chocolate Milk
A rotten, chalkier emulation of Fairlife. Everything is second rate, from the sickly gray substance that slithers out of the hole to the ‘what-sweetness-exists-is-obviously-fake’ flavor, to the starchy, drying finish. Awful.
Happy Planet Creamery Dark Chocolate Milk
Densely packed with outstanding cocoa flavor that remains the sole focus throughout. Both salty and sweet step aside allowing the chocolate to steamroll your face into prostrate submission. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Milk 2 Go Cookies & Cream
If washed-out vanilla milk is your scene, look no further. What flavor there is lingers a bit much and morphs into an unpleasant aftertaste that will have you reaching for the salt & vinegar chips to bring it to swift judgment.
Dairyland Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
More sweet than anything else, in a way that veers slightly from cocoa and approaches caramel. It’s less smooth than others of this ilk, but remains a viable alternative to average, lactose-containing chocolate milk.
Valley Pride Organic Chocolate Milk
For mature audiences only! Dark chocolate flavor that retreats to the rear of the palate, absconding with your inhibitions and challenging your long-held chocolate milk paradigms. It’s delicious as it is unique, and for true fans of fireside sipping, sophistication emulating, or post-self-destruction brooding, this may be the one for you.
Avalon Dairy Chocolate Milk
Its pinkish hue exudes novelty from the very start, culminating in quite possibly the most powerfully malty chocolate milk I’ve yet to experience in nearly 1,300 worldwide. The texture is beautiful and does well to support the sharply delicious and nonpareil malty flavor.
MyShan Dairy Chocolate Milk
The cream coats your insides with a sagacity that one can only hope transmutes to the soul itself, providing a physically warm, intellectually cozy experience— bafflingly achieved through drinking a chilled liquid. Lo, the enigma of paradox!
Grace Harbor Farms Chocolate Milk
Excellently strong cocoa flavor and finely-tuned salty/sweet balance— I just wish I could get the cream to mix in without mechanical means! I shook until my arms gave out, and am still left with lots of tasty cream chunks that refuse to incorporate.
Fresh Breeze Organic Chocolate Milk
Delectably buttery and well balanced, with a unique and crave-worthy splash-of-wild cream flavor, confident cocoa, and a salty bite that further amplifies its excellence. I can’t believe it’s 2%, and I do this for a living— this is outstanding stuff.
Morning Fresh Dairy Farm Chocolate Milk
The sweetness steps aside and gallantly holds the door for the creamy-cocoa wave that begins subtly yet ends somehow tastefully garish. Excellent overall feel, and a true and well-delivered cocoa flavor that lasts far beyond mouth occupation.
Royal Crest Dairy Premium Chocolate Milk
Strongly chocolaty (to a near earthy extent) and well-supported by its competently creamy base and unobtrusive sweetness. It starts and finishes with cocoa flavor and leaves you as all chocolate milks should: wanting more.
Longmont Dairy Farm Chocolate Milk
Cream that outperforms its fat content and cocoa that gives rise to a malt flavor after first contact. It looks beautiful, tastes rewarding, and is well worthy of its glass housing.
King Soopers Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Not terribly sweet (in a good way) and the focus remains on its middle-of-the-road chocolate flavor that goes down with relative ease.
Kroger Slim Rite Milk Chocolate
Vitamin-like metallic scent, minimally serviceable cocoa flavor, and loads of sandy granules that you can crunch between your bicuspids. Perhaps the best feature is the 5g of fiber per bottle, which can further expedite the process of getting this out of your system.
King Soopers Chocolate Milk
Sweet and creamy, though the texture doesn’t quite distribute in the mouth like you’d hope— it feels a touch more coagulative than the ‘real’ stuff.
King Soopers Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Nastily and distractingly sweet with a unnatural crescendo in the latter half of the sip. The texture is chalky and under-milky, even for 1%. This isn’t good, folks.
Market Pantry Chocolate Mint Milk
Sweet, minty, creamy, and modestly (but adequately) chocolaty, this is a fine addition to the holiday season that is tasty enough for year-round availability in the dairy case, though marketers ostensibly feel (perhaps rightly so?) that chocolate mint milk requires a gimmick for mainstream appeal.
Meyer Dairy Chocolate Milk
The fat content outperforms its ‘reduced’ (2%) billing from a creaminess standpoint, lending an indulgence supported (but not highlighted) by cocoa flavor.
Harrisburg Dairies Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Safely and competently treads the middle ground; you won’t find anything unexpected here, be it for better or worse.