The cream coats your insides with a sagacity that one can only hope transmutes to the soul itself, providing a physically warm, intellectually cozy experience— bafflingly achieved through drinking a chilled liquid. Lo, the enigma of paradox!
All in USA
Grace Harbor Farms Chocolate Milk
Excellently strong cocoa flavor and finely-tuned salty/sweet balance— I just wish I could get the cream to mix in without mechanical means! I shook until my arms gave out, and am still left with lots of tasty cream chunks that refuse to incorporate.
Fresh Breeze Organic Chocolate Milk
Delectably buttery and well balanced, with a unique and crave-worthy splash-of-wild cream flavor, confident cocoa, and a salty bite that further amplifies its excellence. I can’t believe it’s 2%, and I do this for a living— this is outstanding stuff.
Morning Fresh Dairy Farm Chocolate Milk
The sweetness steps aside and gallantly holds the door for the creamy-cocoa wave that begins subtly yet ends somehow tastefully garish. Excellent overall feel, and a true and well-delivered cocoa flavor that lasts far beyond mouth occupation.
Royal Crest Dairy Premium Chocolate Milk
Strongly chocolaty (to a near earthy extent) and well-supported by its competently creamy base and unobtrusive sweetness. It starts and finishes with cocoa flavor and leaves you as all chocolate milks should: wanting more.
Longmont Dairy Farm Chocolate Milk
Cream that outperforms its fat content and cocoa that gives rise to a malt flavor after first contact. It looks beautiful, tastes rewarding, and is well worthy of its glass housing.
King Soopers Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Not terribly sweet (in a good way) and the focus remains on its middle-of-the-road chocolate flavor that goes down with relative ease.
Kroger Slim Rite Milk Chocolate
Vitamin-like metallic scent, minimally serviceable cocoa flavor, and loads of sandy granules that you can crunch between your bicuspids. Perhaps the best feature is the 5g of fiber per bottle, which can further expedite the process of getting this out of your system.
King Soopers Chocolate Milk
Sweet and creamy, though the texture doesn’t quite distribute in the mouth like you’d hope— it feels a touch more coagulative than the ‘real’ stuff.
King Soopers Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Nastily and distractingly sweet with a unnatural crescendo in the latter half of the sip. The texture is chalky and under-milky, even for 1%. This isn’t good, folks.
Market Pantry Chocolate Mint Milk
Sweet, minty, creamy, and modestly (but adequately) chocolaty, this is a fine addition to the holiday season that is tasty enough for year-round availability in the dairy case, though marketers ostensibly feel (perhaps rightly so?) that chocolate mint milk requires a gimmick for mainstream appeal.
Meyer Dairy Chocolate Milk
The fat content outperforms its ‘reduced’ (2%) billing from a creaminess standpoint, lending an indulgence supported (but not highlighted) by cocoa flavor.
Harrisburg Dairies Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Safely and competently treads the middle ground; you won’t find anything unexpected here, be it for better or worse.
Trickling Springs FarmFriend Dark Chocolate Milk
An intensely dark brown visage whets your appetite for the rich, brazen cocoa experience on which you will soon embark— and it fails to disappoint. It’s appropriately undersweet, sufficiently creamy, and lavishly celebrates the merits of cocoa to an extent that so few potables achieve.
Penn State Berkey Creamery Chocolate Milk
Straightforwardly delicious, whole chocolate milk that easily could be the standard for university creameries across the nation. Everything looks and feels in place, it doesn’t take a lot of risks, but doesn’t need to in order to warm the heart.
Penn State Berkey Creamery Dr. Pete's Recovery Drink Chocolate
Less sweet than expected, and unfortunately marked by a damp cardboard-like soy protein flavor. I’ve certainly had worse, especially in the ‘recovery’ tranche, but given the high calorie nature, I’d much rather spend those on the normal Penn State chocolate milk.
Marburger Farm Dairy Chocolate Milk
Excellent creamy focus that strikes the delicate balance of flavor and mouthfeel. A strong salt quotient supports this and seems to be the main driver of the experience (not in a bad way), but the chocolate exists much more in the background, perhaps as a secondary or even tertiary feature behind cream and malt.
Windy Ridge Dairy Chocolate Milk
Wow! The first sip is an education, the second sip is for confirmation, and all remaining sips are pure, unadulterated recreation. If normal ‘great’ chocolate milk is akin to melted ice cream, this is melted Haagen Dazs, and time spent not in pursuit of this chocolate milk should be considered wasteful and foolhardy!
Rivendale Chocolate Milk
Fantastically mature cocoa flavor that coalesces seamlessly with velvety smooth cream, capped with a knowing nod to the wild; all aspects are honed to such a high degree of quality. Chocolate milk aficionados would be extremely remiss to pass up this experience afforded by Rivendale.
Whoa Nellie Dairy Chocolate Milk
Melted chocolate butter— what more can you say. I will forever remember where I stood in that Connellsville, PA public parking lot when my insides were first graced with this gloriously indulgent, refulgent, buttery bliss of a beverage. The name makes sense to me now.