Lactaid Whole Chocolate Milk

Very smooth, appropriately creamy, but lacking a cocoa punch. Instead, the flavor resembles an inoffensive, yet relatively uninspired cooked milk sweetness that fades in proportion with the sip-to-swallow process. You’re left with a clean finish that helps to warrant future consumption, facilitating the ‘getting used to’ process.

Prairie Farms Lactose Free Chocolate Milk

Proof that lactose free can still be milky and natural feeling— this is a very welcomed, full-fat addition to the category. Does well to keep the sweetness on a leash and let the cocoa flavor shine, which it does more so in the latter half of the draw. This deserves to be more popular that I presume it to be.

Organic Valley Breakfast Balance Dark Chocolate

Hollow and watery with the trademark Stevia-astringency, which remains remarkably difficult to hide. I’ve had much worse tasting things at this low-50s-calorie-per-100mL tranche, and I can’t deny the impressive attributes (organic, lactose free, gluten free, Fair Trade, high calcium, high(ish) protein)— but the flavor and drinking experience does not compare favorably to your average chocolate milk.

Anderson Erickson Dark Chocolate Milk

Delicious dark chocolate flavor that is paired with appropriate levels of sweetness and salt. The texture is more of a distraction than anything else— and the creaminess isn’t quite where it should be. It’s on the viscous side, and doesn’t disperse as naturally as you’d expect, so there’s a bit of a ‘gulping’ action necessary to get it down.

Anderson Erickson Chocolate Hazelnut Milk

Much more palatable hazelnut chocolate milk than most of what I had in Europe— as there’s no punishing bitterness or cheap hand lotion-inspired texture. It’s milky, nutty, sweet, salty— lots of flavor going on here, and I suspect that if you fancy hazelnut, you’ll dig this quite a bit.

Hansen's Dairy Chocolate Milk

Beautifully focused on chocolate, with a confident salty snap and a sweetness that fades into the background like a motionless barn owl. This definitely pushes the limits of what 1% milk fat can achieve— if/when Hansen’s Dairy produces a whole chocolate milk, I’ll be first in line! 

Glenview Farms Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Its dull gray appearance translates seamlessly to the flavor— it’s under chocolaty, over-carton-y, and highlighted by a sweet, adhesive-like note— akin to licking those envelopes that are mildly sweetened. On the plus side, it’s very smooth, so it won’t clog your sink drain when disposing of it.

Fairlife Smart Snacks Rich Chocolate

The sweeteners seem to be in competition and ultimately dominate the experience. A honey-like note kicks off the sip, but by the end, you have a saliva-inducing essence plaguing your tongue. In the interim, there’s too much chalk and not enough cocoa to salvage a respectable score.

Manning Hill Farm Chocolate Milk

Cream and malt are decidedly the stars of the show here, and there’s little else to detract from that experience. It looks and drinks beautifully, exuding its indulgence via slow-burning cream rather than a sweet/chocolaty punch. The aftertaste is warm and reflective, and you drink more to maintain that sentiment rather than for another ‘hit’.

Braum's Chocolate Milk

Wow- refreshingly unique combination of cocoa flavor, textural density, and reigned-in sweetness that makes each mouthful one of satisfaction and intrigue. There’s also a unique marshmallow-esque flavor that comes through. Lovers of a thicker (and less sweet) chocolate milk profile will extol the virtues of Braum’s Chocolate Milk for years to come.

Ozark Mountain Creamery Chocolate Milk

Indulgently creamy with a unique cocoa profile that reminds me of Kalona Super Natural. There’s a hearty (I hate that word) texture that feels genuine— rich, dense cream and fine (but feel-able) cocoa particulates remind you that you’re drinking something real.

Memory Lane Dairy Chocolate Milk

Deliciously mild grass-fed flavor doesn’t usurp attention way from the cocoa but remains a solid supporting role throughout the experience. The cream also does its job astoundingly well, serving up a substantial, indulgent drink that nails the paradigm of chocolate milk we know and love.

Edgewood Creamery Chocolate Milk

Infinitely creamy, delectably malty, and a sleek, velvety viscosity that won’t clog one’s esophagus (despite my best efforts). It’s got a just the right amount of wildness, and a buttery base that sustains its flavor well into the post-sip introspection stage.

Central Dairy Chocolate Milk

The flavor balance is skewed more towards ‘sweet’ than ‘chocolate’— a trope often seen in lower-fat chocolate milks. Whole milk shouldn’t need this sort of ‘band-aid’— don’t get me wrong, it still tastes good, but could be a lot better with more cocoa and less sugar.