All tagged 2.5

Organic Valley Breakfast Balance Dark Chocolate

Hollow and watery with the trademark Stevia-astringency, which remains remarkably difficult to hide. I’ve had much worse tasting things at this low-50s-calorie-per-100mL tranche, and I can’t deny the impressive attributes (organic, lactose free, gluten free, Fair Trade, high calcium, high(ish) protein)— but the flavor and drinking experience does not compare favorably to your average chocolate milk.

United Dairy Chocolate Nonfat Milk

Has that sweet carton-y flavor that plagues many chocolate milks packaged in such a way. Basically, it’s like licking one of those colored greeting card envelopes that has a modicum of sweetness and otherwise industrial paper-like quality. I think I prefer the envelope.

Selecta Moo Ener-Go

Tastes exactly how a chocolate scratch-n-sniff sticker smells. There's no salt, and a poorly simulated cocoa flavor that feels like it came from an automotive research lab. The mouthfeel isn’t bad at all, and the flavor, despite having the aforementioned characteristics, could also be worse.

Marigold HL Chocolate Milk

Tastes like a chocolate popsicle that had been lurking in the back of the freezer for months past its ‘sell-by’ curfew. You know the kind— it’s covered in icy particles, which, due to the lack of other options, you give a cursory brush-off before thrusting the pop into your warm piehole in a vulgar act of misguided desperation. This chocolate milk embodies that experience.

Goodday Charge

Sweet and dirty, like how you’d expect the mud in Candyland to taste. The texture is more syrupy than milky, and you can tell there’s some fortification therein, particularly in the aftertaste. 

National Goat Milk Chocolate

Nary a hint of ‘goat’— and only a tiny kiss of chocolate— this is not nearly the flavorful experience that ‘chocolate goat milk’ would insinuate, be it good or bad. The cream clings to the inside of your mouth for an unnecessary duration after the swallow, but it doesn’t sport much of an aftertaste, as that would have at least required a fore-taste.

Go Long Chocolate Latte

Sour and wheaty— a somewhat mature approach, though it severely lacks a creamy presence that would shift things from ‘disappointingly watery’ to ‘understatedly sophisticated.’ That said, it washes out quickly, which ends up being fine because the flavor isn’t one that you necessarily want to have hanging around.

Kroger Chocolate Breakfast Shake

Multivitamin scent and flavor (to a lesser extent), and feels like a mouthful of beach sand. You can chomp on the individual grains during and after each sip, and there’s an audible ‘crunch’ as you do so. It’s chalky, passably chocolaty, and from a taste perspective, you could do a lot worse in the ‘breakfast shake’ category.

Nutrament Chocolate

Has an almost pinkish-brown coloration, and is super-sweet above all else. I can’t locate much of any cocoa flavor— just a thin, sugary drink that emulates milk fairly well, but won’t satisfy your chocolate craving one iota.