Sticky, syrupy feel that is at least congruent with its heavy-handed sweetness. There's definitely chocolate involved (and it doesn't taste bad to be sure), but it’s drowned out in sugariness and feels like you’re drinking candy and not something of animal derivative.
Brilliantly brown-reddish, quite chocolaty, but also quite chalky. I love the cocoa flavor and how it is the true star of the show here, but there's something about the texture that takes me out of the experience, as it’s too thick/starchy/chalky and not ‘milky' feeling enough to propel it into the upper echelon.
Creamy, flavorful, and even has a momentary velvety feel, which you may not get through the straw. There's a chalkiness that isn't off putting either-- it seems to serve as more of a confirmation that there’s a microscopic flavorful bit in each sip.
Possibly the thickest thing I’ve ever tried to drink. It’s truly like pudding and would be better served in a dish with a spoon. The flavor is not bad at all— it’s very sweet and chocolaty and has an indulgent quality to it-- but as a ‘drink’— I think most people would gag at the viscosity.
Why do I even bother with these? There's no sweetness, no chocolate, no reason to drink this at all. It’s super thick, and akin to drinking oatmeal without the solid bits.
Deliciously creamy and malty with a lovely salty bow that neatly ties up each sip as though it’s presenting your esophagus with a little gift.
Everything feels ok and it goes down the hatch without a fight, but it's light on flavor. It’s averagely sweet, salty, and creamy, but there’s no punch to the cocoa at all.
Thick and dense, especially for a boxed drink, but also sweet and plenty chocolaty. It’s creamy, but not overly ‘milky’— it feels a little heavy for milk, and the flavor is akin to chocolate candy, albeit good chocolate candy.
Nicely chocolaty with nothing else (texture or flavor-wise) that detracts materially from the experience. The sweetness plays its supporting role rather well, enhancing the cocoa flavor rather than overpowering it.
Strong cocoa flavor, paired with more-than-ample sweetness and cream to create an indulgent-feeling chocolaty boisson. The texture is a tad on the starchy-feeling side, but overall it’s a very flavorful experience that far exceeds the UHT version.
Inauthentic oily/watery texture is its biggest drawback. The flavor is decently sweet and chocolaty, but is whisked away too quickly by the unnatural medium in which it is contained.
Excellent creamy flavor that transcends the limits of what you’d think its fat content could produce. It’s buttery, with mature cocoa flavor and a clean finish that keeps you coming back for more.
Strongly sour cocoa flavor that dominates the experience, in part due to the noticeably dialed-back sweetness (a welcome feature). You can taste the sourness well beyond the swallow, and while very unique, it was the only thing I didn’t care for.
Either a bitter fruitiness or a fruity bitterness greets you on the first sip and instantly manifests as regret. That’s more than $0.01 per mL— provided you drink the whole bottle. Pretty sure you won’t want to.
Thick and dense feeling, but pleasantly undersweet and carries enough chocolate taste to warrant the claim. It’s also very chalky, which renders more in the aftertaste than upfront.
Milky and salty, but not quite malty or chocolaty. The artificial sweeteners are there if you look for them, but the smoothness greatly enhances the drinkability and makes sucralose less likely to be noticed.
Super smooth and malty with a salty snap that both marks the end of each sip and creates desire for the next.
Sweet with a tiny bit of ‘tang’— reminiscent of a cheap barbecue sauce. Beyond that, it’s decently creamy and has a milky texture that won’t set off any additional alarms.
Hides the fortification well and despite a noticeable density, it manages to deliver a natural-ish consistency, and creamy, balanced flavor that doesn’t skew too heavily in any particular direction. You could do a lot worse in the ‘recovery’ drink market from a taste standpoint.
A brilliant concoction perfectly demonstrating how cocoa, sweetness, saltiness, and cream can be delivered from just 3 simple ingredients. I had the misfortune of busting a bottle on a Pimlico sidewalk, but found solace in knowing that a colony of ants will have its collective mind blown.
