All tagged 1.5

Eskimo Chocolate

A poor meld of flavors, marked particularly by its paucity of salt— which throws things further out of balance and foists more attention on the dusty cocoa flavor and untrue sweetness. There is some pleasant congruence, however, between the taste (bad) and the aesthetics (bad).

Milk 2 Go Cookies & Cream

If washed-out vanilla milk is your scene, look no further. What flavor there is lingers a bit much and morphs into an unpleasant aftertaste that will have you reaching for the salt & vinegar chips to bring it to swift judgment.

Kroger Slim Rite Milk Chocolate

Vitamin-like metallic scent, minimally serviceable cocoa flavor, and loads of sandy granules that you can crunch between your bicuspids. Perhaps the best feature is the 5g of fiber per bottle, which can further expedite the process of getting this out of your system.

Selecta Low Fat Chocolate Milk

Smooth, bland, tastes of wet cardboard— the kind that had a lot of permanent marker writing on it. There’s very little depth to the flavor, and there’s nothing to hold your attention beyond the initial “I wonder what this tastes like” sip. The answer comes quickly, and you only take additional sips if you’re dying of thirst, or reviewing the product. Damn.

F&N Magnolia Chocolate Milk (UHT plastic)

Begins with a remarkably sharp salty hit that feels artificial, and is entirely distracting from whatever else might be taking place. Thankfully, it recedes almost as quickly as it comes on, but each sip repeats the cycle, and it’s not something you’ll want to experience multiple times in a row.

Acti-Shake Chocolate

Super starchy feel and a faux-sweetened wheatish taste. You could do a lot worse, but also a lot better with much less effort. Very little chocolate flavor— but if you like that ‘proteiny’ feel, have a go.

Optimel Drink Chocolade

Musty, wet-cardboard flavor can’t be intentional, but it’s common enough in chocolate milk that I’m no longer surprised by it. This drink admittedly doesn’t have much to work with, given the nutritional profile, but perhaps just aiming for ‘bland’ should be the goal of certain producers.

Smiltene Piena Speks Sokolades

So chalky that it turns the inside of your mouth into velcro. It’s not chocolaty, but there’s nothing too nasty about the flavor (if you can get past the chalk). After drinking half of this bottle, my mouth is drier than it was last August after a 7-hour un-airconditioned waterless train ride across Bulgaria.