All tagged Lactose Free

Ghost Yoo-hoo Chocolate

Ghost Yoo-hoo Chocolate

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Co-branding a milk product with Yoo-hoo isn't exactly aiming for the stars from a flavor standpoint. That said, the branding is eye-catching and I'm embarrassed to say I was excited to buy a flat (12-pack) of this and crack one open. And be careful when you do that-- this stuff is pretty foamy if opening after a brief shake. After the first sip, I was upset to have purchased a whole flat. It's nasty. there's an upfront chemical / metallic quality that stays with you, as does the chalky / astringent mouthfeel that plagues each sip. The 'chocolate' presence is oversweet and fleeting. Does it taste like Yoo-hoo? No. Yoo-hoo is smooth, sweet, watery chocolate fluid with minimal other baggage. This stuff is moving in for a few months and doesn't plan on doing much laundry.

Vital Proteins Chocolate Collagen & Protein Shake

Vital Proteins Chocolate Collagen & Protein Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

My first impression was "Well, I've had worse." Not a shitload worse, but worse nonetheless. I'm a fan of under-sweetness for sure, but there's got to be some other decent flavor or aspect being revealed by the under-sweetness, or it's all for naught. I feel like the primary flavor is 'ashtray'-- in a world where there's chocolate tobacco. There's a lingering twang from the sweeteners as well, which dominates the aftertaste once the initial flavor shock wears off. Temper your expectations for taste when you buy a 4-pack of this stuff-- if you need collagen that badly, there must be more enjoyable ways of obtaining it. 

Nurri Chocolate Protein Milk

Nurri Chocolate Protein Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Overbearingly thick, albeit neither sludgy nor significantly chalky-- and what might be a pleasant texture to some, remains the biggest drawback for me. Flavorwise, it's forgettable-- which registers as positive for the protein-enhanced genre. It's nicely under-sweet, and the sugar/ace-k/sucralose combo does its job competently especially considering its peer group. The cocoa flavor is there, and remains the primary flavor throughout. Honestly, I was expecting worse (especially after having the Nurri Kids stuff), and rarely does a 4.0 rating feel somewhat charitable. But hey I'm in a good mood.

Nurri Kids Chocolate Milkshake

Nurri Kids Chocolate Milkshake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Bad from first sip to last (which ideally is the same sip). You're immediately flooded with cloying fake-sweetness thanks to a relatively heavy-handed stevia presence, and from there, the cocoa flavor passes by almost unnoticed, and you're left with a chalky, astringent feeling in the mouth. Don't give this to your kids, unless they've misbehaved and the more traditional methods of punishment have proven ineffective.

Maola More Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk

Maola More Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Unnaturally thick without a creamy payoff. Perhaps it's the prebiotic fiber mucking up the works, which doesn't sound appealing in a chocolate milk-- but fortunately doesn't add baggage on the flavor end. Texture aside, it's not an offensive drinking experience, just rather uninspired. Sure, more protein, less sugar, and added fiber are great features for the macro-conscious, but not for the hedonists in pursuit of the world's best chocolate milk. It's not particlulary chocolaty, creamy, or indulgent-feeling, however the sweeteners (sugar and sucralose) impart less distraction than its immediate peers in the genre. That's the most complimentary thing I can come up with.

Barebells Choco Milk Drink

Barebells Choco Milk Drink

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Pleasant upfront texture and creamier-than-average for the genre, but severely lacking in salty presence that would have further amplified the cream and provided a more resolute…resolution to each sip. As it stands, it is what you probably think it is, and as long as your flavor expectations are adequately tempered, you won't feel cheated. The packaging is lovely (for what it's worth) and 325mL is easy enough to get through on your drive home from the gas station.

Prime Chocolate Shake

Prime Chocolate Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

There's a sourness that is probably meant to simulate chocolate flavor, but it does nothing aside from highlight the other phony qualities going on here, mainly the sweetness and texture. It's a smooth enough way to get 32g of protein, I concede, but it's nothing that will please your tastebuds in the process, and you'll find yourself drinking this quickly, not out of enjoyment, but more to get it out of the way so you can put something else in your mouth that will be more satisfying. That said, this has a slight saltiness that the cookies & cream version does not, and that helps a little.

Nurri Mocha Shake

Nurri Mocha Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Refreshingly 'milky' for having come out of a can, and decently well-balanced in terms of the cocoa/coffee makeup of mocha. It's less sweet than average, which makes it feel more 'grown up'-- and there's minimal wonky aftertaste to contend with. For something that sports 30g protein, it doesn't feel bogged down and powder-laden. In short, I enjoyed this a fair bit more than expected, and it feels more intentional than most other chocolate-adjacent concoctions in the 'recovery' genre.

Prime Cookies & Cream Shake

Prime Cookies & Cream Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Tastes like sweet plastic, with a slight astringency on the back end. It feels smooth and glides down the palate pretty quickly, but the fugazi sweetener lingers a bit too long and taints any 'cookies & cream' flavor that there might be. And there might not be. This isn't good.

Slate Ultra Protein Cookies & Cream

Slate Ultra Protein Cookies & Cream

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Initially feels more balanced from a salty/sweet standpoint, which is an improvement, but the sweetener doesn't age well over the course of the sip and it leads to a drying sensation in the third act. There is a modest cookies & cream flavor that you can find if you sift through its other components thoroughly enough-- though careful, intentional sipping of this stuff likely not intended, and certainly not recommended. If people are this desperate for 30g of protein, I guess they're willing to brave the elements in the name of... better health? Ok.

Slate Ultra Protein Chocolate

Slate Ultra Protein Chocolate

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Gone is the searing, face-altering, chemical spill in a can, in favor of a significantly muted, bland, and more pleasantly palatable version of Slate. This actually surprised me when I first tried it, in a positive, found-a-five-dollar-bill-in-my-pants-pocket way. They seem to have understood that when taste is bad, less of it is better, and they've righted the ship to the point where this is neither distracting nor off-putting. For high-protein, low carb, canned chocolate milk, this may be as good as it gets.

Spylt Cookies & Cream Milk

Spylt Cookies & Cream Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Watery and sweet with a mild upfront vanilla-ish cookies & cream flavor, but quickly washes out and retreats to a nigh-chalky astringent finish. It approximates what an artificially-sweetened vanilla Yoo-hoo would be, but with added caffeine. It's underwhelming, ghostly (ghastly?) white, and not out of place in the Spylt portfolio.

Slate Mocha Latte

Slate Mocha Latte

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Strong coffee flavor that does a decent job of masking the monk fruit and Stevia leaf sweetener pairing-- this feels like it has a lot of caffeine (and it does-- 175mg per can). Fortunately, the sweeteners don't play a supporting role, and this is overall a few standard deviations less sweet than average chocolate milk. Texture-wise, you can feel the modestly starchy protein isolate throughout, and especially upon the conclusion each sip, where there's a noticeable but non-egregious astringency that lingers for a few beats. I don't get any of the 'cocoa' side of 'mocha'-- but flavor-wise, this is the most palatable chocolate-adjacent product I've had from Slate. 

Byrne Dairy Reduced Fat Lactose Free Chocolate Milk

Byrne Dairy Reduced Fat Lactose Free Chocolate Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Like a wonky artificial intelligence approximation of chocolate milk-- it's close, but the 'uncanny valley' is undeniably present when it comes the the taste and texture. Flavor-wise, it's appropriately sweet (palatable combination of sugar and Sucralose, without its usual Acesulfame Potassium partner), but a weak, uncommitted cocoa presence readily succumbs to a cooked milk flavor that serves as a constant remider that shelf-life is valued over taste. Texture-wise, it's a thicker than 2% should be and not as 'milky' as you'd hope for. This seems to be another addition to the recent fad-bastardization of chocolate milk with the promise of higher protein, lower sugar, no lactose-- at the expense of what draws people to chocolate milk in the first place.

Organic Valley Lactose Free Lowfat Chocolate Milk (2025)

Organic Valley Lactose Free Lowfat Chocolate Milk (2025)

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Well, I agree with the label-- "New Taste." I definitely preferred the old one, which was similarly bland, but had a nicely light-enough cocoa flavor that you could convince yourself it was 'deft' or 'sophisticated.' This version carries one of the stranger cocoa flavors I've had, especially for a meant-for-the-mainstream product. It hits like a cooked vanilla flavor, but even less sexy than that sounds. Strikes me as odd that the ingredients have no hint of vanilla or flavor additives or anything-- how they managed to get this flavor out of organic cocoa will remain a mystery to me, and perhaps is something I should laud as a feat of bioengineering. The remainder of the drink is drably appropriate for the lowfat/lactose free archetype-- a slightly saltier-than-sweet ratio is its most palatable feature. 

Redcon1 MRE Protein Shake Milk Chocolate (2025)

Redcon1 MRE Protein Shake Milk Chocolate (2025)

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

As a chocolate milk reviewer, 'bad' is a word I go out of my way to avoid using. It's boring, one-dimensional, and a pretty 'basic bitch' adjective to employ in a food or drink review. But this stuff is just...bad-- not sure how else to say it. An almost violently bright/beautiful brown color overpromises to a fraudulent extent-- because as soon as this crosses your lips, a bolt of searing regret hits you right in whatever part of the brain registers searing regret, I think it's behind one of the ears somewhere. From the painfully cloying and flat-out weird sweetener profile, to the chalky yet somehow watery and unfulfilling texture, to the obtuse 'cocoa' flavor that just tastes like a foul 'brown' in the way that fruit punch tastes (somewhat pleasantly) 'red.' If you need 40g protein, eat a half dozen eggs instead. Raw, and still in the shell if you have to.

Nurri Chocolate Milk Shake

Nurri Chocolate Milk Shake

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Thick for what you generally get out of a can, pleasantly bland (given the genre), and while it carries some faux-sweet aftertaste baggage, it's not good, but also not the the worst thing in the world. It's like "I have a sexist uncle who occasionally says something inappropriate" kind of baggage, rather than "my last two girlfriends mysteriously passed away in their sleep" baggage. I've had a whole 12-pack of this stuff to arrive at my honest opinion, and to some extent, I've warmed up to it. In short, it's simply got a more 'balanced' flavor and drinking experience than many of its peers. Consider it a hard-fought 2.0.

Dairy Pure Milk 50 Lactose Free Chocolate Milk

Dairy Pure Milk 50 Lactose Free Chocolate Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Egregiously out of balance-- thicker than you expect for nonfat chocolate milk, with a gummy/slimy texture and slight astringency on the way out. Barely any flavor whatsoever, severely lacking cream, salt, sweetness, cocoa-- or anything remotely pleasurable. They took a paradigm-- chocolate milk-- and completely removed anything that anyone would enjoy about it. Even the color is a washed-out, ashen gray that further drives home the emptiness of this product. It's a husk. It's a failure. It's tasteless non-alcoholic beer that provides no buzz, yet a searing hangover. 

TruMoo Zero Chocolate Milk

TruMoo Zero Chocolate Milk

Perry Argiropoulos
USA

Maintains the milky feel on the palate by virtue of its 'whole' milk base-- a wise option for a zero-sugar-added product-- since the fat content can still deliver a modicum of indulgence in an otherwise austere milieu. The sweetener profile Ace-K plus Sucralose is a common pairing, and slightly preferable to monk fruit juice and most Stevia concoctions. The balance here is surprisingly deft-- in other words, it's not terribly distracting.

Load More