Sweet, chalky, and candied chocolate taste— differs from real chocolate milk in the way that a fudgesicle differs from ice cream. It’s definitely not light on flavor, just feels overly sweet and artificial.
Martin's Chocolate Milk
A strong, stationery-esque taste has unfortunately leeched from the carton, distracting from its originally intended flavor. Texture-wise, it’s full and smoothly pleasant, and the sweetness is thankfully in check.
Pittsford Farms Dairy Chocolate Milk (glass)
There’s a substantial heft to the body, which delivers an abundance of cocoa flavor and an indulgently creamy undertone that sustains the flavor until you’re ready for the next draw. In short: dense, chocolaty, and delicious.
Great Value Organic Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk
Salty, chocolaty, chalky, creamy— in that order— and a very pleasant overall experience. The salt definitely helps to preempt any would-be aftertaste undesirables, making each sip flow seamlessly to the next. Until there's no more.
Sand Hill Dairy Chocolate Milk
A strapping meathook of buttery cream grabs you by the scruff of the neck and takes you on an adventure you won’t soon forget. It’s wilder than average, saltier than sweet, uniquely fascinating, and entirely delicious! I drank the whole pint before writing a single word (luckily I had 2 bottles)- so it effectively rendered me in a listless stupor— albeit slightly more alert than my default state. Touché.
Darigold Fat Free Chocolate Milk
Initially sweet with a (thankfully) fleeting earthiness to the cocoa flavor. Not bad for a skim version, but in the grand scheme of the chocolate milk universe, not good.
Bellflower Chocolate Single Origin Chocolate Milk
A nostril-flaring, nipple-hardening cocoa experience you will neither match nor forget; a must-have for any fan of chocolate, milk, or the luxurious confluence thereof. From bouquet to delicious cocoa nibs, to the mature aftertaste that satisfies yet beseeches the next sip: this will buzz you beyond the limits your morning french press. Outstanding.
O Organics Lowfat Chocolate Milk
The vanilla extract is definitely prominent, rivaling the cocoa flavor— which makes this a unique, if not slightly hollow chocolate milk experience.
Smith Brothers Farms Fat Free Chocolate Milk
Sweet, watery, and paper-thin in texture and flavor, albeit there’s no overt funkiness— a relatively praiseworthy feat for nonfat chocolate milks. I still can’t imagine a world where the slight amelioration of dietary impact is worth the wholesale forfeit of drinking enjoyment.
Smith Brothers Farms Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk
Well-balanced and highly drinkable chocolate milk that is congruent with its classy duo-tone old style carton. Don’t expect trendy flavors or textures here, just straight-up chocolate milk like you remember from your childhood.
Edaleen Dairy Chocolate Milk
Whole chocolate milk doesn’t need to take chances to be delicious. It’s slightly (and pleasantly) under-sweet, affording the chocolate flavor more of the limelight.
Milk 2 Go Sport Pro Chocolate
It probably won’t stab you to death in the shower. That’s the only positive thing I can say about it. You won’t question the ‘no sugar added’ claim on the front, but you may ponder how many brushings it will take to erase the flavor from your mouth, and how much bleach you’ll have to huff to dull the memory.
Island Farms Chocolate Milk
Uber smooth, and has a noticeably ‘woody’ flavor— slightly bolder than that of your typical paper/carton taste. It’s not off-putting, but it’s not flavorful enough to overcome (what I assume to be) the essence leeched from the packaging.
Joyya Chocolate Milk
A rotten, chalkier emulation of Fairlife. Everything is second rate, from the sickly gray substance that slithers out of the hole to the ‘what-sweetness-exists-is-obviously-fake’ flavor, to the starchy, drying finish. Awful.
Happy Planet Creamery Dark Chocolate Milk
Densely packed with outstanding cocoa flavor that remains the sole focus throughout. Both salty and sweet step aside allowing the chocolate to steamroll your face into prostrate submission. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Milk 2 Go Cookies & Cream
If washed-out vanilla milk is your scene, look no further. What flavor there is lingers a bit much and morphs into an unpleasant aftertaste that will have you reaching for the salt & vinegar chips to bring it to swift judgment.
Dairyland Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
More sweet than anything else, in a way that veers slightly from cocoa and approaches caramel. It’s less smooth than others of this ilk, but remains a viable alternative to average, lactose-containing chocolate milk.
Valley Pride Organic Chocolate Milk
For mature audiences only! Dark chocolate flavor that retreats to the rear of the palate, absconding with your inhibitions and challenging your long-held chocolate milk paradigms. It’s delicious as it is unique, and for true fans of fireside sipping, sophistication emulating, or post-self-destruction brooding, this may be the one for you.
Avalon Dairy Chocolate Milk
Its pinkish hue exudes novelty from the very start, culminating in quite possibly the most powerfully malty chocolate milk I’ve yet to experience in nearly 1,300 worldwide. The texture is beautiful and does well to support the sharply delicious and nonpareil malty flavor.
MyShan Dairy Chocolate Milk
The cream coats your insides with a sagacity that one can only hope transmutes to the soul itself, providing a physically warm, intellectually cozy experience— bafflingly achieved through drinking a chilled liquid. Lo, the enigma of paradox!