All tagged 0.5

Oberweis No Sugar Added Low Fat Chocolate Milk

A chemical-esque chalky concoction, this may be more enjoyable to take as a suppository. The earthy flavor is more ‘garage sweepings’ than ‘arable countryside’ and the sweetener is distracting (perhaps a good thing in this case). I get that it’s low calorie— but it just reinforces the adage that there’s no biological free lunch.

Nestle Milo Active Go

Salty and ferrous, as though someone poured watered-down clam chowder through a rusty gutter and boxed it up for you. The basketball player on the front of the box is blatantly exposing both armpits, perhaps a subtle harbinger of what’s inside.

Hershey's Leche Sabor a Chocolate

Nothing like the Hershey’s I’ve had elsewhere— this is cloyingly sweet in a fruity way and has a disturbingly plastic-like texture. The signature Hershey’s cocoa flavor is entirely absent, and the aftertaste is reminiscent of garage sweepings. After 4 or 5 sips I’m left disoriented, and dangerously close to rinsing my mouth out with the equally noxious Mexico City tap water.

Weetabix On the Go Chocolate

Plenty of grit, plenty of other reasons to never drink this again. No sweetness, no cocoa, no salt, moderate cream. Weetabix is a popular brand in the UK, and this product perfectly conveys the British value of 'suffering for the sake of doing so.’ Drink this for ‘street cred’ if you must, but if it’s flavor you’re after, you're better off tonguing the coin return slot of a bus station payphone.

Galla Tejital 0% Cukor Kakaos

Imagine this- you snorted a full packet of Sweet ’n Low, then someone blasted you in the face, causing your nose to trickle artificially-sweetened blood both in through your lips and down the back of your throat. This experience (in bottled form) is available at Auchan for a mere 219 Hungarian Forint.

Protein Pro Shake Chocolate Flavor

A flavor reminiscent of skunky, under-sweetened Ensure, with a torpidly gummy texture. Choking to death on this stuff would be an awful way to die-- for me it lies somewhere between ‘open water shark attack' and ‘getting slowly consumed feet-first by a runaway escalator.’

Matilde Sport 50% Less Sugar

Clearly, Matilde felt it necessary to concoct a cross between the ‘Mini’ 50% less sugar version and the ‘Sport’ extra protein version. In this case, you get the worst of both: super-chalky, nasty texture (Sport) and the gutter runoff flavor (Mini) that would make tree bark taste like peanut butter fudge by comparison.

Matilde Mini Kakao Laktosfri

The most prominent flavor here is ‘regret.’ Fifty percent less sugar may be too ambitious— there’s zero sweetness, zero creaminess, no salt, minimal sour cocoa flavor, all wrapped up in a nasty dark gray liquid that, in retrospect, looks much more appetizing that what is delivered. Eschew.

Georgia Ice Cocoa

Hearing the ‘crack’ of opening the can is by far the most enjoyable part of the experience. It’s extremely watery, which usually is a bad thing, but in this case it helps the sucky flavor dissipate more quickly.